Bars held Back
by Noah Trydak
Summary: What would you do for a Klondike bar? Features Toad
1. The Quest

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DISCLAIMER: I own your mom. And your pet cat. Other than that? I own a hamster. I'll trade you Nimrod for 50 bucks. And the wheel comes for free. All this to say? Suing me will get you one squeaky-wheeled hamster. Heck yeah.

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"What would you do for a Klondike bar?" The question was one that seared it's way through Mortimer's mind. Every single waking friggin' moment since the day before, he'd been pondering that horrible theme song along with all of it's terrible implications. What WOULD he do for a Klondike bar?

Agitated, he flipped on the TV in his room on the secret HUGE island just off the coast of New York. The movie FACE/OFF was playing.

_"You want to take his face off?" "Yes, his face… right off." As the second speaker walks away in a coke-induced daze, the first looks to his friend. "He wants to take his face… off. … **No more drugs for that man!"**_

"BWAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!!!!! AAAHAHAHAAA!!!! That's so FUUUUNNNNNNY!!!!!!" Then the thought hit him. "I know what I would do!"

The thing above all things that would signify his devotion to receiving a Klondike bar would be… to give Sabertooth a haircut.


	2. The Hunt

**Disc: I miss Nimrod… someone actually took him away…. *sniff* … give him back? Please? I'll give ya a ****Klondike**** bar? **kinda smooshed from last Halloween, but still… you know… it's a bar!****

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            "Where's Sabretooth? Saber-TOOOOOOOTH! Here boy, heeeere kitty kitty kitty!" Toad ran wildly in search of the ol' overgrown ball of fluff. Suddenly he paused dramatically in mid-stride: _that's overgrown ball of fluff with claws and fangs!_ Having thought this, he whisked himself onward, proud to have come to such a detailed deduction.

            "HahaHAAAAAAA!!!!!" shouted Toad down the empty corrider, "that Klondike Bar shall be mine! Do you hear me? MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


	3. The Bust

            The fearless hunter crouched low to the ground, slowly stalking his prey. He listened at the door of Sabretooth's room, listening to the overgrown ball of fluff with fangs and claws get ready to retire for the night. 

            "Come on Baby, that's it, you can do it, almost there… Oh yeah, come on, come on! Don't stop now! Go! Go! Go!"

            Mystique walked down the hallway, wiping the flavor of Magneto from her lips. She paused briefly in stride when she saw Toad. "You're sick."

            The frogman froze. _Maybe… If I don't move… she won't see me! _

            "I can see you. You haven't gone anywhere."

            Hysterically, Toad screamed "NO YOU CAN'T!!!!!!!" Then he remembered where he was. "Oh shi…-taki Mushrooms." The door opened and Sabretooth appeared. 

            "What are you doing here?" He growled.

            "I… uh… um… well….," Mortimer stammered, slowly rising.

            Mystique barked a harsh laugh. "Trust me, Sabe. You _don't_ wanna know." With that, she continued walking.

            Sabretooth glared at the slightly mentally-impaired fighter crouching before him. "Come in here, Toad. I'd like to talk to you."

            "Um, well, see, I was watching a movie so I can't but-,"

            "Great," the beast interrupted, picking the smaller man by his collar and physically moving him inside the bedroom, "I'm thought you'd see it my way."

            "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

            The door slammed shut in the corridor, the last glimpse of a person was Toad's kicking legs. _This Klondike bar had better be worth it!_


	4. The Battle

**Disclaimer: I'm alive. I know I know. Sorry, actually had to go become a (somewhat) productive member of society. I now own a lighter, two keychains (no keys), and a bottle cap. Moving up in the world! Yes!**

"AEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIII!"

SPLAT squeeeek

Toad slid slowly down the side of the wall that Sabretooth had so kindly launched him out. Struggling to uncross his eyes, he manage to croak, "Guh...You wanted to speak to me?"

Sabretooth grinned at him. Or sneered. Or growled without the whole noise part. One could never really tell with Sabretooth."Yeah, I did. I've heard a rumor that you've been trying to get me."

"Get _you?_" Toad demanded, indignant, rising to his feet. He made a lame attempt to straighten up and dust himself off. "Why on earth would I ever want to get _you_?" _To get the damn klondike bar, you fool! Shut up Brain! Now is NOT the time to go and start thinking on me!_ "Please. Like I would soooo want to get YOU! Ha. Ha. Haha. Haahaahahaaa. MWAHAHAHAA!"

For a moment, Sabretooth felt worry. He was dealing with a psycho. Then he remembered, it's just Toad. He managed to try and force a little patient along with a rather evil grin. Or at least, it could've been a grin.

"Were you, maybe, looking for... THIS?"

BEHOLD! Before frogboy's large luminous eyes hung... a klondike bar. "...gimme..." he managed to choke out.

"No."

"Gimmee."

"Nope."

"Please?"

"Ain't gonna happen."

"Now?"

"Nuh-uh."

"Before I shave you like a bowling ball?"

"Never. ...WHAT?"

"Um..." Toad tried to think of something to cover his true intentions, "Before I kiss you in a shopping mall? Wait NO! NO! Not even for a klondike!" He started spitting, disgusted, at the mental imagery he'd just seen in the back of his eyes.

Sabertooth raised an eyebrow. "You are one saaaaddd little man. But if you really mean it...," He trailed off, shrugging.

"NOOOOOO!" Toad screamed, jumping into fighting stance. "NOW GIVE ME THAT KLONDIKE!"

Sabretooth got into stance as well. "So you wanna play rough, Kermit? I'll play rough! That Klondike is MINE!"


End file.
